All of what I'm about to share relates to a topic I'm—quite frankly—exhausted and bored with, personally. 

The topic is: "The danger of using NFP with a contraceptive mentality." 

Christina, if you're so tired of talking about it... why are we talking about it here? That's a great question. We're going to talk about it here because I know that this attitude is becoming much more prevalent amongst what I will call (for lack of a better term), "rad trad" young Catholics. These are people who are not outright schismatics; on the contrary, I think they just feel a bit disenfranchised from the modern Church because in many ways our parish life is... well, liturgically, pastorally, and often theologically lacking. 

 I don't necessarily disagree with them on that! 

And so they turn towards what appears to them to be a more authentic, rigorous, faithful expression of Catholicism through not only the externals (like Latin Mass) but also pious practices (keeping the tradition of Ember Days). 

Unfortunately, with this attitude also sometimes comes a sort of default suspicion that anything related to Vatican II is tainted with a sinful concession to "modernism," however they want to define that concept. And for the most part, I can sympathize with this view. Even if I do not share it fully, I understand where it's coming from. 

 What I do not understand is the associated obsession with tearing apart Natural Family Planning—attacking what amounts to be a fringe group of Catholics who sacrifice a great deal to uphold the Church's warning that family planning must never violate the natural designs of our bodies. 

 I'm saddened by it, but I also don't want to write these brothers and sisters off in their zeal. 

Jesus welcomed a Zealot to His inner circle and I believe their voices serve to help those of us who work and serve in NFP (and related) ministries articulate important things about the unique challenges facing families in this modern age. 

Some of you have written to me, expressing the desire for more resources to think through and articulate a response to friends or family who may share this view. Over the past couple of years, I've increasingly encountered it in our local seminary, young adult groups, and in the questions of my NFP clients.

So I'm just going to give you a list of things that I have found helpful, with a tiny bit of commentary about each. 

📚Reading List Ahead!

​Moral Use of Natural Family Planning- buckle up! Janet E. Smith writes a very thorough and erudite correction to a sort of "quiverfull" mentality in some Catholics, which hinges on procreation as the ultimate good of sexual relations. Here's a favorite line which agrees with some of the commentary I have provided on this issue before: "Thus, having a large family is the generous act that God asks of some spouses; He will ask other kinds of generous acts of other spouses." ​

How to Talk about the use and Abuse of Natural Family Planning the Importance of Accuracy in Translation and in Description- in this article from the Linacre Quarterly, Kevin E. miller gives a really thoughtful (but accessible!) summary of various statements popes have given about NFP. I discuss this article in my NFP Ambassador training course because I think it's pretty succinct and to the point for a general Catholic audience.

Podcast- What Harrison Butker Got Right and Wrong: Okay, not a "read" but a "listen!" Monica and Renzo Ortega are a married couple who offered their commentary on various aspects of Harrison Butker's commencement speech last year. They do touch on Church teaching, but also provide some personal commentary which I think offers valuable insights. ​

NFP: The Myth of the Contraceptive Mentality- Fr. Ryan Erlenbush wrote this piece for The New Theological Movement back in 2011. It's really refreshing to read a priest say: "The very nature of natural family planning keeps the couple open to the Lord’s gift of new life and, if they remain united in prayer, I am confident that they will be able to make a proper discernment of when to attempt to have another child." He makes a key distinction between a true contraceptive mentality and something that has the danger of being present in absolutely EVERY human action: selfishness.

This sentiment is also echoed in an article by Richard Doerflinger, featured in a book called "Lived Experience and the Search for Truth: Revisiting Catholic Sexual Morality." He writes: "The Church, of course, has always recognized that there may be serious reasons for deciding together to delay having a child. But if one had a frivolous or selfish reason...it would be countered in every cycle by a (at least partly self-regarding) desire for sexual relations. The selfish approach to life is set at odds with itself."

Back in 2019, Simcha Fisher wrote a two-part series addressing this as well, with lots of colorful commentary as is her particular gift. Check out Part I and Part II on her blog.

And here's part of an email I sent to our seminarians, after a long discussion we had earlier this year following an NFP presentation. They were asking about whether priests should automatically give NFP resources to couples who request them, worrying that couples would misuse the information. Here was my reply:

Can people use NFP selfishly? Of course! It's possible for people to use literally ANY good thing selfishly, including sex (which I see WAY more frequently as an abuse in Christian marriage than I do NFP) and even the desire to have more children. There are women and men who become obsessed with obtaining a certain number of children as a sort of counter-cultural "status symbol." Their intentions are not pure. And yet-- those children are a blessing because God accounts for our own shortcomings in every way. ​

So I also want to challenge us to see the blessings that God can still bring when couples are using NFP, even if their motives may be a little selfish sometimes.

Unlike birth control, NFP requires an incredible amount of virtue and forces couples to intimacy in other ways than sex. NFP also forces them to remember the 'embodiment' of our existence; it is not possible to be a dualist when using NFP! And this is why NFP is the moral means when couples do have just reasons for postponing pregnancy: precisely because it respects God's natural design of our bodies, helps couples develop virtue, and requires the submission of parenthood to our duties to God and our spouse. ​

Do we need better formation and support systems to help couples discern sometimes? Absolutely.

And this is where I think we can go back to the difference between the privilege and responsibility of priests working intimately with spiritual directees vs. the basic level of support that you'll be called to give in most parish situations. ​

Couples who have chosen to use NFP are already doing something incredibly counter-cultural. By embracing God's design for their bodies instead of the popular hubris exhibited by most people with regards to rejection of their sexual function, I think there is already a huge dying to self that has happened. In many cases, their doctors do not respect their choice. They often have family members who vocally disapprove. They may know ZERO other couples who are also practicing NFP. And I just want to caution anyone in the Church against putting up ANY barriers that would further discourage these couples from continuing along this path. ​

It may be the case that NFP is precisely the means through which the gradualness of conversion comes to fruition in their lives, which is NOT the same thing as admitting to gradualism. We know that. So please-- as I mentioned-- make no assumptions or immediate judgments about their intentions or the state of their souls when they ask for resources. God works through imperfections and if they are open enough to approach you with that request-- no matter how mixed their intentions!-- then it is our duty to trust in the power of the Holy Spirit to work through that decision and guide them on the right path.